Just for English Teachers....

I found this very funny for English teachers. Who thought this stuff up anyway? Read to bottom!!

 
 Amazing we all learned English! 
I think a retired English teacher was  bored. THIS IS GREAT!
 

Read all the way to the end.  

This took a lot of  work to put together!

You think English is easy??  

 

1) The bandage was wound  around the wound.

 

2) The farm was used  to produce produce .

 

3) The dump was so  full that it had to refuse more refuse.  

 

4) We must  polish the Polish furniture.

 

5) He could lead if he  would get the lead out.

 

6) The soldier decided to desert  his dessert in the desert.

 

7) Since there is no time like the  present , he thought it was time to present the  present .

 

8) A bass was painted on  the head of the bass drum.

 

9) When shot at, the dove, dove  into the bushes.

 

10) I did not object to  the object.

 

11) The insurance was invalid  for the invalid.

 

12) There was a row among  the oarsmen about how torow .

 

13) They were too close to  the door to close it.

 

14) The buck does funny  things when the does are   present.

 

15) A seamstress and a sewer  fell down into a sewer line.

 

16) To help with  planting, the farmer taught his sow tosow.  

 

17) The wind was too  strong to wind the sail.

 

18) Upon seeing the tear  in the painting I shed a tear.

 

19) I had to  subject the subject to a series of tests.  

 

20) How can I intimate  this to my most intimate friend?

 

Let's face it, English is a crazy  language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor  pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries  in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are  meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find  that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig  is   neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

 

And why is it that writers write but  fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce   and hammers don't ham? If  the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose,  2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy  that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and  ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

 

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers  praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?  Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum  for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play  at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and  feet that smell?

 

How can a slim chance and a fat chance  be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel  at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns  down; you fill in a form by filling it out; an alarm goes off by going on.  

 

English was invented by people, not  computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course,  is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible,  but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

 

PS. - Why doesn't  'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

 

You lovers of the English language might  enjoy this:

 

There is a two-letter word that perhaps  has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is  'UP'  

 

It's  easy to   understand UP  meaning toward the sky or at the top of  the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do   we wake  UP ?

At a meeting, why  does a topic come UP  ?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it  UP to the   secretary to write  UP a report?

We call  UP our friends.

And we use it to brighten  UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house, and some guys fix  UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real  special meaning.

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be  dressed UP is special .

A drain must be opened UP because it is UP .

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it  UPat night.

 

We seem to be  pretty mixed UP  about  UP !

To be knowledgeable about the proper  uses of UP  ,look the word UP in the   dictionary.  

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes  UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add  UP to about thirty definitions.  

If you are UP to it, you   might try  building UP  a list of the many ways  UP is used.

It will take  UP a lot of your   time, but if  you don't giveUP  , you may wind UP with a hundred   or more.  

When it threatens to rain, we say it is  clouding UP  .

When the sun comes out we say it is  clearing UP  .

When it rains, it  wets the earth and often messes thingsUP .

When it doesn't  rain for awhile, things dry UP .

 

One could go on  and on, but I'll wrap itUP,

for now my time is  UP ,

so........it is time  to shut UP  !

Now it's UP to you to decide what to do with this  email.