"I'm Not Invincible": A Teacher Learns to Listen to her Body to Run Free Again

As you all know, I am an obsessive, relentless runner through and through. There is nothing more I love than at the end of the day than going for a long run and leaving all of my stress, angst, and fears out on the roads and trails. This year, I established an initial goal of finishing 5 marathons in 5 months, which quickly (and rather impulsively) turned into a rather lofty and perhaps unrealistic goal of running 12 marathons in 12 months. Crazy? Yes? Achievable? I thought so. 


I managed to run 8 marathons in 7 months from early January through mid-July. Up until the last marathon (a 24 hour ultra that I had to finish prematurely due to chest pains), I felt strong and fully optimistic of achieving my 12 in 12 goal. Then came my scary chest pains in July after about 30 miles of running. After thorough examinations and an EKG, the doctors could see nothing medically wrong with me or my heart, suggesting that perhaps I had pulled muscles while running or was just severely dehydrated (which is unlikely due to the sheer amount of water and electrolytes I consume on a daily basis). They said to lay off the running a bit, which I did. I kept my runs easy and manageable throughout my time in South Korea in July/early August and then enjoyed hiking seven national parks during our trip out West last month (with no actual strenuous running!). 


Arriving back at the track for my first speed workout in two months last week, I couldn't have felt worse. My legs felt like bricks, I couldn't get up to normal speed, and I was unable to finish a workout I could have completed with dignity last year at this time. I attributed the horrible workout to a lack of consistent summer training and speed work. But when I finished the Annapolis 10 Miler last Sunday almost 20 minutes slower than I have ever run 10 miles before, I knew something was up. Never before had I wanted to drop out of a race so badly or had to walk so much (And this was a 10 miler, not even a marathon!). I felt like complete rubbish and wanted to cry my eyes out.


Back at home, I emailed my coach and explained what happened. His response was not at all what I wanted to hear. He suggested that perhaps I take a break for awhile to get everything back in balance, as I was traveling a lot and racing (too many) marathons. Apparently, I didn't understand what he meant when he said "break." I thought this meant that if I dropped out of the Chicago Marathon but still trained for the New York City Marathon and JFK 50 Miler, I would be fine. I just needed a bit more time to get back into my normal training groove, right? Well, not so much. I arrived home from an amazing wine tour in Virginia late last night to the following email:


"When I suggested taking a break, I meant an extended break with no hard workouts and no races for at least several weeks to let your body repair itself! Skipping Chicago and substituting a couple of half marathons isn't what you need. The few times that you have been at the track in recent months, you have not even looked like the same runner that you were a year ago. Your running posture looks totally off kilter and you look completely fatigued. If I were you, I would completely stop running for a few weeks, get into the pool for some aqua jogging, work on my core strength to try to restore a better running posture, and meet with a sports nutritionist to make sure that your diet and hydration plan is keeping up with what you need to fuel your running schedule. This running stuff is supposed to be a healthy activity, but when you reach a point where you're feeling terribly fatigued and having problems with chest pains on multiple occasions, that is a clear sign that your body is telling you that your running is no longer a healthy activity and you need to completely revamp what you're doing. Don't ignore the wake up call!"


WOW. He really does mean business here .... in a BIG way. His points are valid, and I really cannot ignore them anymore. I certainly have not FELT like the runner I was a year ago, and even my regular running routes in DC I can normally do with my eyes closed (not literally) have recently felt far more taxing than they should. I recognize that I have become a marathon fanatic this year, and clearly, it has destroyed any chance I had in improving this fall. I have nothing to prove in running so many of these 26.2 milers and only everything to lose, it seems. 

You can imagine how much my coach's email stung and how foolish I feel to have attempted so many marathons in a year while possibly causing permanent damage to my body. Trust me; this is one wake-up call I will NOT ignore. It is obviously an absolute necessity at this point, as much as I hate to admit that. 

Running has become such an intense passion (and addiction) of mine over the past few years that it is often synonymous with my own identity in every facet of my life. Has it become obsessive? Maybe. But asking to let go of this fiery passion -- even temporarily -- is harder than one can imagine. I seriously feel like I've been stabbed in the chest and then hurled against a concrete wall. It's that bad. 

Luckily, aside from my coach's "tough love," I have the endless support of my friends, family, and, of course, my amazing husband, who more than understand how difficult this change in mentality is and how much I am deeply affected by this all. Their words of wisdom, kindness, generosity, and willingness to just listen to my venting has been invaluable. 

While I may not be able to run all of the races I wanted to this fall or achieve a new marathon PR (personal record), I promise to listen to my body, fall in love with other sports (swimming, biking, Bikram yoga, etc.), take time off from hard running, and let my body repair itself so I can healthfully continue to do the one thing that makes me most alive outside of teaching: running. 

I'll end these thoughts with some sage words of advice from a good friend and fellow runner who always knows what to say:

"....And don't worry about it so much, and you know you aren't going to improve your running speed this fall, and you knew that when you signed up for all those races, so just go/run to have fun...enter the races because you can and are healthy enough to do so! Running is fun, slow it down and enjoy the run. Now if that is not what you have in mind for your fall schedule, then definitely don't run until you get back to enjoying running for running sake. Then spend the winter really recovering and start to focus on speed again in the spring for a fall race."

No matter how many marathons I run, races I enter, or what time the finishing clock displays, I will always be a runner. I will always have the drive to do what the first humans did for survival: run my heart out. Unlike them, I can run to enjoy every moment and worry about nothing else.

As an English teacher, I love books and have collected numerous books on running the past few years. Inevitably, I will turn to them in the coming months for encouragement, advice, support, and nostalgic laughs. In them, I have found countless quotes that encompass my undying love for the timeless sport. As Sir Roger Bannister, the first runner to run a sub-4 minute mile, said, "We run, not because we think it is doing us good, but because we enjoy it and cannot help ourselves ...The more restricted our society and work become, the more necessary it will be to find some outlet for this craving for freedom. No one can say, 'You must not run faster than this, or jump higher than that.' The human spirit is indomitable." 

And, as John Bingham, running speaker and writer so eloquently wrote, "The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." Now there is a lesson we can apply to our own lives, one that I live by every day in my classroom and running. I may not be invincible, but I am willing to make decisions that will help me become stronger, more balanced, and healthier, as a runner, teacher, and person. Let the journey begin; I am ready for whatever each new day brings. 

A New School Year: New Beginnings & New Hopes

The first week of the 2010-2011 school year has come and gone. And wow, what a long, exhausting week it was! Immediately after teaching in South Korea and traveling out West with my husband (to NV, UT, and AZ), I jumped back into the swing of things with preservice week and then the first day of school on August 30th.

I always get so nervous before the first day of school. I get knots in my stomach, a racing heart beat, and the inability to sleep for more than 20 solid minutes at a time the night before school starts. I have felt this way before a new school year for as long as I can remember, dating back to kindergarten. Inevitably, I end up loving school once I am there, first as a student and now as a no-longer-new teacher. With this transition comes countless thoughts, worries, hopes, dreams, and mental images about what could possibly go wrong -- or hopefully be a success this year in the classroom. I am a real mess!

It didn't take me long to realize that this is truly going to be a great year of teaching, which will be my fourth in my building and sixth overall. This summer, I was reenergized and pleasantly surprised with the amount of productive, meaningful, and realistic work our leadership team put into creating effective change with both our school improvement plan and school culture. Our principal seems more committed than ever to change and being the leader the school needs, willing to do whatever it takes in the process. Our new assistant principal is a complete breath of fresh air who exemplifies inspiring and empowering leadership. She is the kind of administrator I want to be one day (should I decide to choose that path!).

This productivity and positivity transferred naturally over to the rest of our staff during preservice, who could sense that real change was in the air and that this year was going to be different in only the best of ways. There was an air of calm, peace, and hope occurring throughout the week that allowed the opening of school to be the smoothest -- and best feeling -- in years. How wonderful!

I am particularly excited to get to co-teach again with my fantastic teaching partner, Yvonne. We have some very needy students this year in our full inclusion classes, but thus far, they have really stepped up to the plate. They have been polite, respectful, and willing to work hard this first week. Let's hope it continues (and it WILL if I have anything to do with it!)!

For me, this is a real year of professional change and hopefully growth as well. Since my former co-team leader moved into the Media Specialist position at our school (after 14 years of teaching, 9 as a team leader), I am now working with a new person, who is luckily a seasoned nationally board certified teacher. Pam is now filling both roles Autumn left empty as my co-team leader of the eighth grade and science department chair. While we are starting at square with her new positions and our new relationship, I am enthusiastic and positive that I can train Pam effectively, teaching her all she needs to know about the team leader position. Already, I have had to remind her to allow herself the time and space to get accustomed to her new school, make the science department her first priority, and allow me to take the lead with the grade-level team for the time being. Since she also is a type A perfectionist and workaholic,  she had to hear these suggestions numerous times from multiple people before allowing herself to accept and really listen to the message (SOO much like me!). I am optimistic that our working relationship will thrive and that we will be able to build on each other's strengths to benefit our team of teachers and, of course, our students.

A new year and many new beginnings. Endless opportunities to grow and learn as a teacher, leader, and learner. Am I excited? Absolutely. Am I nervous? Of course. BRING IT!!

The PS22 5th Grade Chorus ROCKS YouTube!

It is hard to ignore these children's voices and sincere, hopeful faces with each song they sing. The 5th grade chorus class of Public School 22 in Brooklyn has taken the nation by storm recently on YouTube. Thanks to my best friend Jules, I too was forever changed listening to their voices and seeing the potential for the greatness of our future generations. 


I hope you too are moved and inspired! Just see if you can't get chills down your spine! Their songs are well-worth the time to check out.


PS22 Chorus "LANDSLIDE" Fleetwood Mac (acoustic version)http://www.facebook.com/l/c4af1rWIZMR7mlkazWnX0UqGJ2A;www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2p5augniQA
http://www.facebook.com/l/c4af1;ps22chorus.blogspot.com    


As a lover of music and a fellow singer, these videos should make us believe that the arts in education work and should be here to STAY!

South Korean Journal -- Final Entries & Closing Reflections

August 9, 2010

Well, my final day in Korea has come. Since my hotel room had not been cleaned and the female manager insisted on tidying it up a bit (and never bothered to tell me when she was done), I ended up on the hotel lobby computer until very late and not asleep until after 2 a.m. Whoops!

After I finally woke up and felt somewhat rested after 10 a.m., I confirmed I could receive a later check-out and headed out for my run, which turned out to be more like a torturous walk in extreme heat for over 1.5 hours. Today I brought along my camera to capture some of the beautiful countryside on film, including the nearby pebble beach. I didn't want to leave!

Back at the hotel, I showered, ate a bit, caught some of Dreamgirls on TV, checked my email one last time, and was then shuttled to Incheon Airport only to discover my flight had been delayed by 6.5 hours to San Francisco. I now have to take another connecting flight to Las Vegas and then finally to DC, where I will supposedly arrive at 7:09 a.m. Tuesday morning EST. Oiy! Luckily, I have plenty of books, food, and interesting airport people to entertain me. I also took advantage of my complimentary United meal voucher with a delicious chicken curry and mango smoothie. Yum!

This time also affords me the opportunity to more critically reflect on my time here in Korea. With that, I have some other things about Korea attitudes and etiquette to add to my first list:

1. Never tip in a restaurant. They will find it offensive. If only this were true in the USA! Haha.
2. Koreans are often kinder to foreigners than to their own people. Worrying about their national identity and image, they want you to have a favorable impression of their country.
3. Walking around with a stern, unsmiling face and ignoring strangers are part of the Korean custom.
4. Be open-minded and non-judgmental as a tourist here!
5. There is very little crime here. I never felt uncomfortable walking alone at night, even in Seoul.
6. The main problem you will encounter in Korea is the scarcity of English speakers.
7. Get into a Confucian state of mind and show outward respect and generosity toward all of your elders!
8. Dress casually but neatly here, as you will always be judged by your appearance.
9. Wearing socks is more polite than bare feet.
10. Receive gifts using both hands.
11. Always bring a small gift with you when visiting someone's home. They will probably refuse it at first as to not look greedy, but it will be appreciated and opened later.
12. Koreans are fanatical and take everything seriously.
13. Life is competitive and stressful here, as there is no safety net provided by a welfare state.
14. Many Koreans are very fit and healthy/nutrition conscious.
15. Families are becoming much more Westernized and nuclear, with divorces and abortions being much more commonplace.
16. Koreans are some of the nicest and most generous people you will ever meet.

I could go on and on about what I have learned to do -- and NOT do -- here, but I think I have given you a solid glimpse into the daily life, customs, and values here in South Korea. I can genuinely say that Korea is one of my favorite countries I have ever visited. I am grateful for the unique opportunity to volunteer and teach the children of Jeju Island. That unique, unforgettable experience provided me with a much more authentic and comprehensive snapshot into Korean life and culture. I will always feel indebted to my time here and in awe at the smiles, generosity, kindness, and warmth the children -- and adults!! -- afforded to me each and every day here. A Koreans say all too well, "Gamsahamnida" (Thank you).

We will have to see whether next summer's adventure can match up to this once-in-a-lifetime experience....

South Korean Journal -- Part VIII

August 8, 2010

This morning while on my run, it became obvious why I chose this hotel in the middle of nowhere to stay: it offers the most breathtaking country and ocean views. I always love exploring new places on foot, by running or walking, enjoying my new surroundings while attempting not to get lost (NOT always an easy task!). Today, I passed vast corn fields, authentic farm houses, a quaint local church, tiny houses, and a charming beach community, where the locals are friendly, dogs incessantly bark at me, and the views of the ocean never end. I even found a clean toilet to use (Seoul and its vicinity are known for their free, clean, and widely available public restroom facilities)! I will definitely need to see more of the beach before leaving tomorrow.

Another perk of staying in a small, family-owned hotel? Unlimited access to free high-speed Internet in the lobby. Yeah! I took full advantage of this opportunity for over an hour before taking the hotel shuttle to Incheon Airport and bus 6002 again to downtown Seoul.

Over the past few days, I've been thinking about the joys and challenges of international travel by yourself. After two weeks of no privacy and little to no free time, I was more than ready to experience Seoul for a few days solo. Ironically, Koreans are much more likely to be friendly, approach, and talk to you in English when you're alone than when you're in a small group or even with just one other person. I can't tell you how many smiles, curious looks, "Hello!"s, and peace signs and waves I got here in the city. Koreans, on the whole, are very kind, generous, and accommodating to foreigners, feeling an obligation to represent their country well and having pride in having you here -- wanting you to enjoy your entire experience in Korea. Perhaps Americans can learn something from this philosophy.

Back in Seoul, I boarded the Seoul City Tour Bus again, this time for the two-hour downtown tour that stops at over 27 destinations, including all of the city's major markets. I took our guide's private recommendation and hit up Myeong-Dong market. There, car-free narrow streets are seen as the fashion mecca of Seoul. I enjoyed purchasing several cheap and chic earrings, bookmarks, street food, and tops (which probably will not realistically fit me!). I stumbled upon The Foot Shop, where I got an awesome foot and full body massage for less than $35 (for over an hour = not bad!). The experience started with me soaking my feet in a fish-filled pool, where all of the fish carefully remove dead skin from your feet and lower legs. While it certainly tickled, the fish really did their job well, and I now have super smooth feet to show for it! Very cool.

I made it back to the bus stop with just a few minutes to spare before catching the last City Tour Bus of the night. I finished up the tour and enjoyed seeing the National Theatre, palaces, and the North Seoul Tower again. Not ready to head back to the boondocks yet, I jumped off the bus at the end of the tour, determined to find Namdaemun Market and somewhere to eat nearby. Luckily, I succeeded at both tasks! I found some awesome veggie fried rice with egg at a local hole-in-the-wall restaurant and thoroughly enjoyed spending some money on shirts, Korean tea, Jeju chocolates, traditional Korean chopsticks, fans, pens, fruit, and chocolate marshmallow bars. I bargained well too, though it is easier to do in China (at least from my own experience).

On a roll and having just consumed some of my favorite watermelon, I took a quick cab ride to Dongdaemun Market to see what the fuss was all about. Basically, it is a GIANT shopping area with wholesale and retail stores that caters to teens and 20-somethings (Yay; that still includes me!). Combining traditional markets with modern high-rise shopping malls, the area is clearly buzzing with activity all day long and never seems to completely close. You can get great deals on fashion and accessories here. I've been toying with the idea for a few months and finally decided to get a second ear piercing. Don't worry; the male piercer was completely safe and legitimate. I am now sporting a second hole with pink studs! You'd think that I was a teenager again or something...

With newly pierced ears, three bananas, OJ, green tea, and an ice cream in hand, I found a taxi and had a much easier time directing the driver to my hotel 65 km away. Somehow, it still cost me $75,000 won (about $60) with tip and toll, though. Boo!

South Korean Journal -- Part VI

August 6, 2010

I really hated saying goodbye to the older kids today. Before they left, fellow volunteers Kate and Elena introduced their country of Russia, we viewed a beautiful slideshow of precious photos taken from the past week (Mr. Moon is a gifted photographer), and we exchanged gifts with the teens. I received a gorgeous watch from Hungnoon and a delicate handmade fan from Hyunjeong. I was surprised by how many of the teenagers were crying about having to leave (Not shockingly, none of my macho boys did! Hehe).

Immediately following the kids' departure, we enjoyed an elaborate feast of a lunch of prawns, eel, rice, fried veggies and fruit, sliced fresh veggies, kimchi, eggs, and seaweed. I stuck to the safer options to avoid any possible GI reactions.

With the kids gone, we spent the rest of the afternoon happily napping, cleaning up the school, walking, checking email, packing, giving one another silly hairstyles, and driving to downtown Jeju to shop and eat at the large E-Mart. I managed to buy several fun, cheap, and unnecessary items, of course!

August 7, 2010

Well, my time in Jeju has come to an end. I was able to sneak in a run/walk before cleaning up, takking photos with everyone, and having Mr. Moon drive us to the Jeju Airport. It was bittersweet saying goodbye to everyone, as we really have become like family these past two weeks. God-willing, our paths will all cross again someday.

A little over an hour flight later, I launched at Gimpo Airport in Seoul. After checking into my hotel, I took a bus to Incheon Airport, asked for the bus to downtown Seoul, took it, and then arrived in Gwanghwanum (right near the Koreana Hotel, where I stayed the night before leaving for Jeju). I explored the area on foot for an hour and then boarded a very cool double-decker Seoul City Tour bus for the Palace Cheonggye tour). For 1.5 hours, we drove to several famous Seoul sites, including Deoksugung, Cheonggye Plaza (where the Korean Information Center is). Dongdaenum Market (where I will try to do some serious damage at tomorrow!), Cheonggyecheon Museum, Seoul Folk Flea Market (by Hwanghak Bridge), Daekangno, Cheonggyeonggung Palace, Insadong, the Seoul Museum of History, and the Agricultural Museum. I really enjoyed having a glimpse of all the famous traditional palaces here.

Back downtown, I explored more of the area on foot and stumbled upon an open air music concert and three-on-three basketball tournament. Two older men saw to it that I had a cushion to sit on and even offered me food. How sweet! I ate a quick unhealthy dinner at McDonald's (I'm a bad American, I know) and then boarded a single-deck bus for a night tour of the city. I befriended three Korean University students, who spoke excellent English and gave me an insider's view into the city. On the tour, we saw Namdameun Market, Seogang Bridge, Mapo Bridge, the expressway, Hannan Bridge, Seongsu Bridge (Beautiful!), Cheonggye Plaza, and the North Seoul Tower, where we climbed to the tower entrance and saw spectacular aerial night views of the city. Some young Korean boys kept yelling "Hello!" to me, which I am more than used to now at this point in the trip.

The real laugh of the day came when I waited for my bus to come for over an hour (It never did) and was forced to hail a taxi back to my middle-of-nowhere countryside hotel, the Oceanside Hotel, located 60+ km from Seoul. I'm not quite sure WHY I chose to stay there, but at least it's very close to the Incheon Airport and has beautiful rural scenery. Oh well! Not being able to communicate in the other's language, the cab driver and I exchanged a lot of laughs trying to find this God-foresaken hotel. Over an hour and 65,000 won (about $50) later, we finally arrived at my hotel. Let's just say that I slept well tonight and enjoyed speaking to both of my parents for the first time in two weeks before bed. Goodnight!

South Korean Journal -- Part V

August 3, 2010

I am trying to get out to run and walk in the mornings as much as possible, though it is often difficult for me to log any kind of respectable mileage (by my coach's standards at least!) in such intense heat and humidity here, which can already be felt at 7 a.m. I have several marathons and my second JFK 50 Miler to prepare for this fall. I am trying not to beat myself up over this, though, as my time away in Korea was meant to be a welcome break from my usual hard year-round training. My training is bound to get back to normal (and where it needs to be) after this trip and our Utah adventure, especially once school resumes.

Meanwhile, my time in Korea continues to fly. And I must say that I am having "a damn good time," as fellow volunteer Zarina would say. Though the language barrier may be difficult and impossible at times, I am doing my best to make the most of everything, go with the flow, and treat this incredible experience as a real eye-opening cultural exchange. Not a bad idea.

Today we lived, breathed, and completely consumed ourselves with preparations for the global festival. It was challenging, tedious, and monotonous at times, but hopefully, ALL of our efforts will soon pay off!

Boy, am I exhausted! It was an excruciatingly long day but well worth all the efforts, I believe. All four of my performances went well, and the audience especially enjoyed my singing, which felt gratifying. I felt most proud of my solo of the American national anthem during our anthem medley and of our group's drum performance. We sounded like professionals! All of our practice certainly paid off. We were even reunited with the younger students from last week, whom I genuinely miss, and it was heart-breaking to have to say goodbye to them again, this time probably for good. :(

Many locals attended our cultural festival, including other international volunteers from another workcamp. One of them is a professional choreographer from Canada who performed a beautiful dance for us. It was a truly special evening filled with music, memories, laughs, hard work, and collective pride and desire for world peace. I certainly think we will all sleep well tonight...

August 5, 2010

I love the sound of soft rain hitting the roof in the wee hours of the morning. What a welcome invitation to sleep! Unfortunately, my alarm went off way too soon afterward. I ate a large breakfast and was delighted to learn that we had an extra hour before we had to leave (translation: just enough time for a long walk and alone time! I had already showered, so a good run was out of the question. Oh well).

After more sporadic bouts of downpour and a long, sleepy bus ride, we trekked one of the mountains on the island adjacent to Mt. Hala, which was about 1,200 meters high. I enjoyed leading everyone up in about half the time it's supposed to take to climb (Me? Competitive? Never! Haha). I impressed myself with my ability to remain relaxed and calm at the top, despite the severe drops and expansive panoramic views of towering mountains. My husband chuckles when I proclaim my fear of heights, as I have climbed some of the most difficult mountains in the world. My fear does exist, I know; it's just a matter of learning how to mentally control it. The mind is such a powerful thing.

Luckily, the sun came and stayed out, making it an ideal beach afternoon. I thoroughly enjoyed being a true Pisces and fish in the water, even when it started to rain. Unfortunately, we somehow lost the key to our van, so let's hope we're not here all night looking for it! Ahhhh!

It's hard to believe that I will be leaving Jeju in less than 48 hours. I have genuinely enjoyed the workcamp experience here and am already eager to enroll in a different camp in a new country next summer, if at all possible. Two main frustrations have arisen for me, though: the large amount of down time required to be with the kids (that could easily be turned into a bit of well-deserved down time for the volunteers) and the overwhelming majority of language being spoken in Korean. This cuases me to truly feel like an outsider at times. It also requires a great deal of effort to get to know the older kids, as they are SO shy and reluctant to speak English.

Regardless, I am still trying to make the most of this experience and become a better person for doing so. While we never found the van key and had to take the bus to downtown Jeju (while Mr. Moon drove back to his house for the spare key), we divided into our three teams (Mine is love, obviously!) and had dinner, etc. My group ate some really funky -- and a bit unappetizing -- Hawaiian-style pizza at Mr. Pizza. The salad bar was stuffed with what looked like everything but actual salad, even offering plain yogurt with cereal! Quite bizarre. We then headed to the ever-popular Digital Photo Picture Shop, where the nine of us posed in a tiny single photo booth for both serious and funny shots together. They will be memorable keepsakes indeed.

We ended the nigh playing fun board games at a downtown cafe and had ice cream from the Family Mart on the corner. I cannot tell you the amount of ice cream I've consumed in the past two weeks -- not to mention the two small slices of pizza tonight -- but I am beyond grateful for not a single GI reaction to any of it. Hopefully, I haven't jinxed myself!